


Some Times it Lasts (Sometimes it Hurts Instead)

by blazingstar29



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gwaine Being Gwaine (Merlin), More tags to be added, Protective Arthur, Protective Gwaine (Merlin), Sad Merlin, Sad Merlin (Merlin), chaaracter death, its a horse, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-07 22:30:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21225287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blazingstar29/pseuds/blazingstar29
Summary: Since the first day he worked as Arthur’s servant, Merlin was issued a sturdy brown mare. Older in age but fit enough to keep up with the knight’s great white horses. Merlin knew how short and fragile life could be, how impermanent everything was.  However, the life of his loyal steed never occurred to him to be as fragile as any other.AKAMerlin’s horse is very ill. Merlin grapples with guilt over the fact he never thought about the impermanence of his horse with no name. But with his good friends by his side he can conquer anything.(Unless it’s Arthur’s socks.)





	Some Times it Lasts (Sometimes it Hurts Instead)

**Author's Note:**

> First Merlin fic! I’ve only seen a handful of episodes and a ton of YouTube compilations so I’m sorry about character inaccuracies. I have no beta (we die like men) and I wrote a chunk of this on my phone so any mistakes are my own. Feel free to give polite CONSTRUCTIVE criticism.
> 
> Thanks and enjoy!

Since the first day he worked as Arthur’s servant, Merlin was issued a sturdy brown mare. Older in age but fit enough to keep up with the knight’s great white horses. Merlin knew how short and fragile life could be, how impermanent everything was. However, the life of his loyal steed never occurred to him to be as fragile as any other. 

One day in late spring, he was sorely reminded. 

“Merlin!” The shout came from Percival, the burly knight hammered on his bedroom door. It was just after lunch and Merlin was using his minimal free time to take a break before he was back to serving Arthur. 

Before Merlin could open the door, the knight burst in, just behind him was Leon. Both looking equally worried. The concern of nobles instantly put Merlin on edge.

“What is it? Is Arthur alright?” 

Leon looked grimly between Percival and Merlin. “Arthur’s fine mate. It’s your horse, she’s down in the stable. The farrier says it doesn’t look good.” Hurriedly Merlin grabbed his jacket and ran for the door ahead of the Knights and rushed down to the stables. His heart thumped loudly in his chest, trying to think of any magic he knew that could help his dear mare. Perce and Leon just behind him. Looking over the oak door of the royal stables, Merlin saw his beloved horse shiny with sweat, the straw beneath her was messy. The farrier looked up from his perch in the corner. In his hand was a bloody rag and a knife. 

“I’ve bled her, but it isn’t making no difference. Nor can I keep her up. Colic kills the old horse’s mate. She’s had a good run, might be time to put her out of her misery.” 

Death had been a part of Merlin’s life since he first arrived in Camelot. When he first saw the young man executed. He knew the impermanence of life, and the danger his was in. Giaus made it blatantly clear where he would end up. Freya had been is first love and his first loss. The heartbreak rendered him meek for many weeks. His constant, the friendly face of his mare, his trusted steed.

He never thought she would go too. 

Voice choking with emotion Merlin pleaded, “is there anything you can give her. So, she doesn’t have to die in a stable?” The farrier dug around in his bag, pulling out some herbs, water and honey, he made a paste. Gently he gave it to the suffering mare, within a few minutes her laboured breathing eased enough for her to sit up slightly. 

Nothing is permanent in this world, Merlin thought he knew that.

By this time, Gwaine and Arthur were standing by the stable door as Merlin coaxed the mare into standing. Merlin gingerly lead the horse outside, he sobbed quietly. Without uttering a word, the four knights walked with Merlin to the edge of the woods. It was almost peaceful, but the horrific clank the crossbow made every few seconds made the nausea in his stomach worse.   
Once they were safely tucked away in the trees the knights stood back as Merlin said his goodbye. As he stroked the star on the mares fore head a crushing realisation settled in Merlin’s heart.

“I never gave her a name.” Gwaine’s heart broke at the sound of his friends voice. Quietly he stepped next to Merlin and rested a hand on his shoulder.

“Why don’t you give her one now, mate?” He suggested gently to the wrecked man. Merlin was quite for a few moments.

“She’s bold, and hardy. Willing, always willing to please. And brave very very brave, and gentle and kind.” Merlin was rambling, but not in the way they knew. It was a way that saddened them all. 

He went quite again, quite suddenly. But one word left his moth again, “Feya. Her name is Freya.” 

Now Arthur stepped forward. As he aged he mellowed, the arrogant front his father instilled on him melted the more time he spent with out him. Hunting was a part of his life, today was the first time he truly felt the impact of an animals death.

In his hand the familiar heavy weight of the crossbow nauseated him. Quietly he leaned toward Meelint and spoke to him.

“Do you want one of us to do it? Or would you rather do it your self?” The question was heavy and important. On one hand Merlin hated taking life of any sort. On the other, waiting for one of his friends pull the trigger and fell Freya was sickening.

He turned is eyes to Arthur, “ I have to do this.” With an understanding nod, Arhr offered the weapon to his friend. With a split second of hesitation, Merlin took the weapon. 

Gwaine and Arthur stopped back to stand with Percival and Leon. With one last stroke of her beautiful face, Merlin lifted the weapon and set the sights on the mares broad chest. 

Grimacing he pulled the trigger. Freya let out a startled whinny and dropped to her knees onto her side. Instantly Merlin dropped the crossbow and sat beside Freya as she took her final breathes. 

There was a violent shudder, and then all was quiet.   
It was done. Freya was gone. 

The after math was even more ugly than the lead up. Merlin felt his breathing quicken faster than he knew it could. He continued stroking the mares face. Her eyes lifeless.

All Merlin could think was how much of a muderer he was. He knew it was the right thing to do but pulling the trigger was a devesating action. A warm presence settled beside him, a heavy arm resting on his shoulders.

“She’s out of pain now, it’s all right. Just breathe mate, just breathe Merlin,” The knight comforted him as best he could.

“Just breathe.”

-  
Over the next hour or so the four nights dug a hole big enough for Freya. When it came to dragging the body into it Merling excused himself, unable to see her lifeless body fall into the grave. Leon found him when it was time to put the dirt back. That he could deal with, he needed it. A sense of finality, of closure. 

The work back to the castle was largely quiet. The group garnered strange looks from a few. Four knights and a servant covered in dirt and the King carrying a crossbow. 

When they the group parted ways, Merlin and Arthur stood facing each other.

“In such a girl,” he tried to joke. Using Arthur’s frequently used phrase. But the young King only shook Merlin’s shoulder gently. 

“I’m sort, for how unpredictable and infrequent you life has been. All of us, my self, the knights. We always knew with certainty what happened when and to whom. Tragedies are few and far between. I’m guessing the knowledge of how fragile life is shakes one up far more than one who’s connection with death is far weaker.”

Merlin smiled at the words, “thank you for coming with me. And helping me today.”

“You started as my manservant Merlin, but now your my trusted friend. I’d do anything for you and I know you’d do like wise.”

Some say the only thing gatunteed in life is taxes and death. In Merlin’s case this is true, but for today, tomorrow, when ever. He knows that his friends will be garrunteed to be by his side as he is theirs.


End file.
